JW mentioned something about writing about this in the forum, but I've got to type out something just because I'm proud of myself. We're moving out of our house pretty soon, and our landlord is having potential renters look at it, which means we have to show them around. Weak. Well, Lorq and JW already have new homes, but I don't so all my shit is still here and I don't like people going through my room. The solution: Place video camera, lab jacket with "DUTCH BLIMP FUCK" embroidered on it, and dildo all on top of the amp right in front of the door in plain sight. Apparently this couple had kids, so maximum funny followed. JW was here, so I'll let him explain the rest, but shit, we rock.
I work at a headshop now, the same one as JW. Today as I was pricing a bunch of glass pipes, my manager asked me how much they were. I told her it was none of her "fucking business" and when she went slackjawed I recovered smoothly by telling her it would be funny if she could at least pretend to have a sense of humor. We're kinda pals, but I don't think she saw that coming.
Holy shit, today I was at a restaruant, and this guy walked up to the food ordering counter and asked the lady working if he could borrow a wet rag. She handed him one, then he pulled his glass eye out of his face, polished it off, then plunked it right back into his skull! SO COOL!
I saw the HOTTEST pregnant lady I've ever seen at Albertsons today. She had a couple kids around her that looked probably six years or older, and she had the third in the oven. She didn't look that much older than me, but her husband kept giving me weird looks as I eye-humped her, so I decided not to make a move. Maybe next time. I'm going to draw a picture of her to post here...
Had to burn so much tobacco today. Apparently it had gone bad or something so we had to torch that and a couple boxes of ink filled catalogs for some reason. I didn't ask on account of getting paid to burn shit rocks hard, but it smelled BAD.
So I went to a porn shop with my boss today. That was a first. Checked the prices on dildos and such, he was thinking about trying to sell them the boxes of glass cocks he has laying around. We looked around at miscellaneous other things, but we weren't in there too long. I've been to my fair share of porn shops, but never with an employer while on the clock. Awesome.
Today I was working at the headshop and watching some other employee help a customer with his queries. The guy asked if we carried any glass dildos, and my co-worker said we used to but we didn't sell too many, so now we have them in back and we can get more and such. The customer went on to explain that he was single and that a lot of girls thought his latex dildo he kept next to his bed looked kind of gross, so he wanted a glass one because they look cleaner. Well, my face was twisted with morbid fascination at this point, but the salesman handled it very well and continued to say, "Another thing is that a lot of people are alergic to latex, so the glass is a lot safer." Then the customer said, "It goes in easier too! They're so much smoother." By now I was biting my tongue not to laugh. So awesome.
Later I went to The Olive Garden with my Dad and Byro. They had bottomless pasta there, so I ate as much as I could in an attempt to piss off my impatient brother. Three orders of pesto, one of marinara, two salads and a couple of hours laid to waste. It's strange how often heartburn and pride can strike in unison.
While getting ready to go work with JW, his coworker called and wanted him to come in early because her boyfriend was getting arrested and she needed me to give her a ride to where he was apprehended. It sounded pretty important, so I finished eating a little faster than I normally would have, but still not fast enough to risk indigestion. Then I drove her across town to a pretty desolate area where two cop cars accompanied her parked minivan, complete with her two kids. Her man was cuffed, just hangin' out. She didn't seem to be too surprised, which I guess is a good thing. Or at least something.
Last night, Tom and I went to visit his extended family in Salem, about an hour away. Pretty good times, his uncle plays guitar so we brought some instruments and made some noise. Anyway, this morning his uncle (also named Jeff) was in the shower when his friend called and was talking to Tom's Grandma, who rocks. When she hung up the phone she walked in the room and asked us, "Hey guy, what's 'the dank?'" A very long pause followed and finally someone asked why she wanted to know. She replied, "Sam just called, and he said that if Jeff gave him a ride to work, he would have the dank." Another very long pause before some guy that's doing Tom's Aunt said, "Oh, Sam has a job now, huh? Good for him, where at?" Strategically changing gears from her son's acquisition of pot later that day. I thought it was funny.