Getting back into the swing of work after my bender in Vegas. Today was nice. Some emo kid was making really bad jokes, so I made fun of him until the girl and two guys he was with started laughing at him, NOT WITH HIM. Such a ball sac. Fuck him. Pat had a cardboard box full of metal tobacco grinders he was kneeling next to as he put in a case, and I farted quite aggressively by his head as I walked by. To escape the fumes, he stood and tried to evacuate, but the bottom of the box broke out causing him to fall to his knees and spill aluminum tobacco accessories everywhere. I guess that qualifies as a big day in my world.

Last full day in Vegas. Went to a couple shitty clubs. One of them was Coyote Ugly, cynical review is here. The other was a club that all the people we ran into had been referring us to. It blew because the drinks were expensive and the glasses were big and therefore a little harder to steal than most. Of course I pulled it off, but it was a challenge. The cab driver that had promised to give us a ride to our hotel for free after some bargaining was apparently off shift, so the three of us stingey mother fuckers began the walk and bought a twelve pack to expedite things. At one point JW exclaimed, "I'm a basketball star!" and threw an empty bottle towards a garbage can. He missed and shards went everywhere. Whatever. On our way through the casino to our room, some prostitutes started trying to hook us. One of them kept pulling all of the escort flyers out of my pockets and telling us that we should go with them instead. They wanted $300-$500 per night, so we told them we might be back. Of course the idea of the night was to get a hooker and eat pizza off of her back while we watched TV, so we kept drinking and calling all of the escort agencies and asking the pimps what it would cost to eat a pizza off of one of their girls. No clear answer was given, so JW went down to the casino to offer the first two girls $20, but they were not to be found. Oh well. It was still a decent evening.

Got up and bought a bottle of whisky. Walked up and down the strip drinking once again. We almost got hit by some car, so JW yelled "Fuck you, asshole!" with the finger and everything. The tweeker guy slammed on the brakes and tried to pick a fight with us in the middle of the busiest street in the city, but we acted like he wasn't worth our time and walked away. He seemed high on PCP and probably could have taken all three of us. I ate some bad Italian food and decided a digestive refund would be more natural than digesting something so awful, so I drank hotel water until I puked. Las Vegas has the worst water I've ever had. It only took half a glass before I horked like a champ. The taste and even color of the water suggests that it is cut with Windex, so if you travel that way make sure to bring your own or just drink alcohol the whole time.

Bought a formal suit, got cleaned up, and went to Las Vegas for a bender with JW and Byro. The plane ride went fine, and once we were on the bus to go to our hotel, JW started talking about the guy in the Paris Hilton sex tape licking his hand after he jacked off, which seemed to offend some of the seniors in neighboring seats, but fuck it, it's Vegas. Moments later we began drinking and went on to stumble down the strip, going into every casino on the way and getting free drinks. The ticket is this: they'll comp you drinks as long as you're gambling, so pretty much loiter by the slot machines and put in a quarter whenever a waitress walks by. Order a drink. Put in another quarter when she brings it to you. Leave casino and repeat. I managed to stay pretty drunk and steal 7 glasses this way. Next time I intend on stealing more. We wandered into the employees only portion of Caesars Palace, which is apparently a catacomb of underground halls and such. I was expecting security to kick us out at any time, but miraculously several guards walked by without looking twice at us. I think the awesome suits made us look official or something. It took us a long time to find our way out, but we continued casino hopping for the whole west side of the strip and wound up at the end at around 6 in the morning. We were sobering up and our feet really hurt, but we walked back and went to a buffet. I ate food with some success, but this one waffle probably took me about 20 minutes because I kept passing out, only to be awakened by the laughter of the people sitting across from me as they watched some drunk kid in a formal suit black out over breakfast. Whatever.


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