8/16/05
This lady was looking at jars to buy in my store today, and she was having trouble finding a cork that would fit the one she liked. I walked up and pulled a cork from a different jar and tried it in hers, and it fit perfectly. She was like, "Wow, you're good at this." And I couldn't help it, so I had to say, with a perverse inflection, "I've corked many a hole in my day." I expected her to be kind of offended, but she shot back, "Oh, really?" with a more perverse tone. I felt like I had met my match, so I just said "Um, yeah." And walked away. Looking back, I probably should have tried to do her on my lunch break. Live and learn.

8/13/05
Had to road trip up to Seattle for a bachelor party. We stopped to fuel up in some really shitty little town and J-dub had to take a grumpy. The mens room at the gas station was occupied so he went in the ladies room. Someone knocked on the door and in a high pitched voice he said something like, "Hold on a minute, I'm in here..." His pseudo-lady-like voice may have worked, but a line of two women had formed by the time he finished. I walked by on my way out from the mens room and the entire hallway reeked from the bomb he dropped. I felt bad for the women that had to deal with that while they did their business, but not really.

*later that night*

While walking the streets of Seattle with some friends we caught up with, we wandered up to a Castle Mega-Store. For those unfamiliar, Castle's are really big porn stores with lots of dildos and the like. Apparently our driver had stopped there because he thought it was a restaurant, I don't know how he got that impression from the sign. Whatever. Anyway, outside the shop, some unconvincing transvestite tapped the driver's girlfriend on the shoulder and showed her the contents of a paper bag. It was a wad of used lingerie he was trying to sell her for $2. She politely declined and managed to refrain from shuddering until the tranny walked away. As we showed up on the wrong day for the bachelor party, that was really the highlight of the trip.

8/9/05
I watched "Mystic River" last night and I thought it really blew ass. I don't even know where to begin. It was really predictable, which would have been less offensive if it was less than about a week long. Ugh. So anyway, I stayed up pretty late thinking about how much I hate Clint Eastwood. Then I woke up and really had to piss, and when I finished emptying my bladder I started thinking about how much I hate Clint Eastwood again. He was type-cast like 60 years ago and everybody was like, "Cool, he's a cowboy and/or detective again...yay...." And now he's like, "I pretended to be a badass for the better half of a century. Now I can direct movies about total pussies that live in Boston." But he's wrong, because he's a total tool. I hate how in the beginning of the movie when they kidnap the kid, the car drives in the middle of the street. If you're pretending to be a cop and you kidnap a boy, it seems like you'd take the extra time to drive on the right side of the road so you wouldn't get pulled over with a fake badge and a crying child you're aspiring to rape. Granted, the symmetry really added to the slow motion drama of the shot, but I didn't think it really seemed logical. Then they kept going and managed to work in lots of flashbacks. I hate flashbacks. Flashbacks are the director's way making half of a shitty movie and giving it to you twice for the same price. Tim Robbins was set up to look like the killer, so it couldn't be him because that would be too predictable, and it couldn't be a character not yet introduced because that wouldn't be powerful enough at the end. Then there's the mute kid and his foreshadow covered entrance. A handicapped kid wouldn't have any reason to kill someone, right? There we go, nothing like a meaningless crime to get a strong reaction from the audience and show them that life is unpredictable. If only the same could be said about anything with Clint Eastwood's name on it.

8/7/05
Went tubing down the McKenzie River. Our friends just got a place on the riverside, so we drove a few minutes up along the river from there and figured it would maybe take us an hour or so to float down to their new home. About four and a half hours later, well after the sun had gone down, we arrived on their property after numerous collisions with rocks and logs. At one point, JW tossed a beer my way and it landed directly on the end of my cock. I was in too much pain to complain aloud, so I simply gave a thumbs down to express my feelings.

8/4/05
I noticed some raccoons on the roof after I had just fed the cat, and I didn't want them to eat her food so I tried to scare them off. A mother and two little ones. After my numerous verbal threats accomplished nothing, I acted like I was walking away and then ran back, threw my keys on the porch in front of them and began yelling gibberish. The family of vermin remained unfazed, and the adult actually began growling at me. I congratulated it on being a bold adversary and went to get my keys, but they were right underneath it where it could jump and maim me if it wanted to. (Prepare for anti-climax) So after a couple of minutes it left and I got my keys and went to bed.

 

MONTH/PLURAL/PAST

July, 2005
June, 2005
May, 2005
April, 2005
March, 2005
February, 2005
January, 2005
December, 2004
November, 2004
October, 2004
September, 2004
August, 2004
July, 2004
June, 2004
May, 2004
March, 2004
February, 2004
January, 2004
December, 2003
November, 2003
October, 2003
September, 2003
August, 2003
July, 2003
June, 2003
May, 2003
April, 2003
March, 2003
February, 2003
January, 2003
December, 2002
November, 2002