12/27
It was a slow day at work so Kelly bought an electric hair buzzer dealy and stopped back by. He leaned over the counter as I half-assedly blazed a trail down the center of his supple skull, thus rendering the skunk stripe effect in his dark hair. Spectacular, especially on Kelly, and especially because we did it while a customer was in the store. Later that night we took an anti-social 12 year old girl to a high school party. It was hilarious because she didn't have shoes so she couldn't run away because it's winter in Idaho. We're not high schoolers, by the way. We just decided to go to a high school party. We shaved the rest of Kelly's head on the porch of a barber shop at night then went to Jenn's house and ate some mechanically seperated animal parts, which is pretty much the stuff that's too decrepid for Armour to make hot dogs out of. It tastes like salt and sawdust, Kelly decided. Spectacular. Kelly Fuckin' Akers, in my home town.

12/20
Puking party. Total blast. Kelly drank a bunch of lactic free milk or whatever the hell people with lesser evolved digestive tracks need to drink to live, four chili cheese corndogs, and some other shit. He puked over the side of the porch then Jesse ran and kicked him in the stomach. It was funny cause he fell off and I think he landed in his own puke. Jesse and I each drank two forties of real cheap beer, some of the weird milk, some juice, corn dogs and fried chicken and did sit ups till we puked all over ourselves. It was swell. With any luck, pictures will be up soon.

12/16
Chased a skunk with the car and flicked the brights on and off trying to get it to spray. It didn't. Had a party at my house, had a few guys come up with a lot of cheap beer. The next day I was cleaning up and I found a bowl of what looked like chicken broth on the floor. I asked if someone made soup and they replied, "Oh, that's the dog's beer." Oh and later my key broke off in the lock on my car and my friends dog was locked in the car so we had to break in with a fly swatter. At least now that the lock is full of broken key I won't be able to lock my keys inside the car again. This is me counting my blessings.

12/15
Jesse came up tonight and we drank some beer, made christmas ornaments and dyed clothes. Jesse's ornaments were cool, I think my favorite is one where a hand is mysteriously reaching out of an ass. I made one of a guy trying to suck his own dick, but I'm not very good with clay so no one can even tell it's my brother. And his head fell off. Lame. And we fucked up dyeing the clothes. But it was still the most productive night I've had in a long time, so don't take that away from me...whoever you are.

12/13
It was Friday the 13th. Spooky, huh? Not till the car you're in breaks down so you have to walk to walmart with friends to buy fuses then walk back then it breaks down again in town and the cops won't give you a jump and you try to sleep in the car for two hours but you can't fall asleep so you walk to a gas station and ask the wonder bread delivery boy if he can give you a ride across town at 4 in the morning. He couldn't so I walked about six miles in pitch black and pouring rain to get home. Then I played video games for a couple hours and got to bed by seven thirty. I ate a pound of donuts before the walk. I felt funny. Oh, and before the car broke down, Noah and I talked Marcus into tyring to jump a gap between parking lots that was a couple feet tall. We didn't get any air but the operation went about as smoothly as driving off ledges onto cement in subarus goes, though that may have something to do with why the car stopped working. Oh well.

12/03
I have a cold. Being sick is gross. Despite my ailment, however, today I decided to have lunch with my Mom. We went to a chinese restaraunt in town, and when we got in there wasn't an employee in sight, so we stood patiently. We discussed the pros and cons of ringing the bell when another customer lady came out of a conjoined room and walked up next to us at the register, ready to pay. I could tell the lady was crazy, but I can read people from working in retail, which apparently my Mother cannot. She told the crazy lady she might have to ring the bell because there was no one around. The crazy lady glared at my Mom and asked if she was impatient. My Mom said no, but then the crazy lady told her to ring the bell if she wasn't afraid. My mom rang the bell then stepped further away so that the crazy lady was closer to the bell, rendering the illusion that the crazy lady rang it. My Mom is malicious that way. The crazy lady looked pissed and she asked my Mom if she was a clone. My mom started to laugh but then stopped because the crazy lady was staring at her with a stare you save for someone who's banging a nun. The tension was so thick I was expecting the crazy lady to snap and take a swing at me dear old Mum. It got me thinking, how do you defend your mom in a fight? If she's with another lady you can't just step in and kick the other ladys ass, but since she's your mom you have to do something. I decided the best thing to try should I need to would be to jump behind the crazy lady and hold her arms behind her back so my mom could finish her off. That way my mom would win and I wouldn't even have to jumpkick a middle aged woman in the face. Fortunately the crazy lady just made some other crazy slur and left. This is good, because I have a cold and I don't have the energy to fight with crazy people today.