First entry since back in Eugene. After a Floater concert, JW and I left to pick up my brother at a party. I was the designated driver this evening, it would seem. We arrived at the strangers house and entered. After meeting a number of Brians (my brother) friends we ventured to the kitchen where people seemed to be congregating. A girl we had met just moments prior was lurched over and huddled up under a friends arm, doing some sort of "I'm drunk feel sorry for me" thing. The friend patted her on the back and said "There, there." all soothing like and told everyone else to do the same. JW poked her in the ass with a house key. We laughed and no one really seemed to notice. I handed JW my debit card and said, "Ring me up!" After a fraction of a second of thought he realized what I met and aked, "How much would you like to charge, sir?" "17 dollars on debit, please." I responded. He began moving the debit card towards the drunk girls ass crack, but my brother stopped him, so we had to go to the other side of the group of people to try again. This time JW was SOOO close when a guy that was comforting the girl extended just one finger to block the card. It was a very passive aggressive block. CARD DECLINED! He aked JW, "What are you doing?" "It's a joke." JW replied. "This is my girlfriend...that's not funny! This is my girl!" At this point it became apparent JW would most likely get his ass kicked, so like the awesome friend that I am, I stepped further away and watched. They were about the same size, and as the drunk boyfriend waved a can of pabst blue ribbon back and forth in front of JW mumbling, "Why would you do that? That's not funny! NOT cool!" JW repeated over and over, "It's all right. It's all right." And eventually the guy let out a breath and backed off. JW gave me my debit card back and Brian finished his goodbyes. We left and Brian seemed a little unhappy with how awesome JW is. Not too unhappy though. So it was a really good night.
Our friends mom made a pie out of the pudding we gave them. I forgot to eat any but Kelly did and gave it mixed reviews. It came across as being good that he had played such a role in its creation, but bad since they shot its potential. That's what I read from Kelly's various fragment sentences and disassociated remarks, anyway.
Driving to town came with consequence today. An old man driving a suburban pulled out from a stop sign earlier than he should have so I smashed into him. The front of my car got pretty fucked up and his was more or less fine. We parked to examine the damage and in the tradition of the elderly, he managed to tell me stories of travel and people he knows and so on, just as though I was still working in retail. And of course he was out buying his wife medicine. The cop said he didn't think I was at fault, so hopefully his insurance will cover it. Unfortunately, due to headlight smashage, my car is no longer street legal so I could be stranded in my wretchedly boring hometown for longer than I can appreciate. Fucking world. Whatever.
Kelly Fuckin' Akers made it to town. We bought seven pounds of chocolate pudding in a can. Distributing it evenly into two plastic bowls, we proceeded to sit in the hot tub and go for the gold. 3.5 pounds of pudding each is a lot, and we didn't make it that far before we became painfully dehydrated. Kelly puked a lot. Pretty sweet. We poured the remaining pudding in a zip lock bag and boxed it up. Kelly wrapped it real pretty like and we did ribbons and bows and all. After this we ventured across town and deposited it under the Christmas tree of some friends of ours who never lock their door. It was one in the morning, and their dad was sprawled out on the couch watching tv. We don't really know him so that was an interesting moment but it went surprisingly well. I think they'll like their gift.
Went swimming in the lake with Johnny Dunne, #1 from the fateful X-country meet months ago. Since this is Idaho it was all icy and cold. The ducks seemed to handle it all right so we took that as a good sign. Johnny's dumbfuck brother asked while we were standing on the ice if I would retrieve a dollar should he let go of one. It was windy as hell and he wanted me to fall through the ice and die. I got the dollar though. Not bad. Pictures soon.
Where to begin? It was an interesting day at work. A guy from the other Shopko called to ask me if we had some certain TVs in stock. We did. He said a crazy guy would be coming my way shortly. I appreciated the heads up, because moments later I got a phone call. The guy on the other end made sure he got my name then asked how I was doing. I said, “Pretty good, and yourself?” He responded, “I’m fletoraly explendant.” From that point on I figured it was the guy I’d been warned about. And just as the other Shopko slave had prophesized, he said he needed either a 27” Sansui tv or a 19” Sansui tv with built in DVD player otherwise Dorothy Hamill, the famous figure skater, was going to break his knees. I said we had both in stock and he replied, “Are you sure? I’ve got to call her when I’m off the phone with you, and I hope she doesn’t have her bat with her.” I reassured him, then he said, “Bless your heart, let’s make sure God has a picture of you on his fridge too.” This was in reference to a girl at the other shopko that he insisted God had a picture of. The guy was fucked up but at least he was friendly. I didn’t mind. I hope the figure skater didn’t break his knees, ‘cause he was going to come buy a tv from me but never made it. Weird.
Worked until midnight thirty than went to a party to give Kristine her cell phone back. She was stuck with the duty of watching “sick girl,” a girl who’d had too much to drink and was embracing the upstairs toilet as though it was her only floatation device in an endless ocean of her own shame. I watched quite happily as she wallowed in her own novel decisions, and eventually she projectile vomited four times in a row, conjuring impressive power. Hilarious. I laughed a lot, but it’s not like she’ll remember. She stood up to go to the sink and sang along with the Weezer song on the stereo as she tried to clean the puke off of her face. That was the high light of my day.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DA COURT!
A coworker of JW wanted a copy of the Paris Hilton sex tape, so he offered to burn her a copy of the one I have on my comp. Courtney thinks it’s lame because I have a condensed version and it’s not that great, but it’s still better than any porn movies I know of her owning or making. Anyhoo, as we sat down to burn the CD, I had the bright idea to put some scat on there as well. You know, shit porn. I don’t have a huge library or anything, but like anyone with high speed internet, I have a little scat simply because of...nevermind. So we put one on there that instantly opens to a close up shot of a really hairy guy shitting in another guys mouth. It’s fucking HORRIBLE. We named it “ha ha.avi.” and apparently she opened it for the first time with a young couple she’s friends with and ended up being pretty embarrased bringing shit porn into a friends house to show off. When JW worked with her next she told him, “You’re a stranger. You’re dead to me.” So awesome!
Went to the grocery store in the a.m. They have this self check out thing where you just scan your own items and then put money in a slot. Pretty sweet. JW and I wanted to expensive pizza for a cheap pizza price, so he stood watch while I cleverly tore the cheap pizza barcode off the box and put it back. Lining up the cheap pizza barcode over the expensive pizza barcode, we checked it and saved $1.50 on our beautiful cheese pie. It would have been less trouble to steal it altogether, but we're not thieves. We're just serious bargain hunters.