12/xx/07

I was rounding a corner at work very quickly.  The supervisor lady who almost invariably is in contagious, terrible moods was coming the other way very quickly.  When collision seemed iminent, I threw my arms up to protect my torso from intimate contact.  I elbowed her in the tit.  It was terrible.  Awful.  Wrong on so many levels.  I broke a sweat instantly.  

"Oh, god..." I said, mortified.  "I really didn't mean to do that."

"It's okay." She muttered gently and with reluctance.

"It's really, really not."  I said and walked away in the bleakest of bleak moods.  

I was replacing the waste basket liners in the bathrooms and break room.  She confronted me about my bag replacing abilities.  I didn't tie the corner of one garbage bag because the first time I tried, it ripped.  This is the person you don't believe exists that will find the one bag in the building that you didn't tie, seek you out for it, and explain the importance of bag tying.  She concluded our bag tying talk by saying "Thanks for elbowing me in the boob."  My jaw dropped to either apologize again or puke blood or something, but nothing came out.  

I wanted to scrub my elbow with steel wool and ammonia and then hold a blowtorch to it for a couple of hours and then cut it off and then dissolve it in acid and then put the acid in an air tight safe and then sink the safe to the bottom of the Mariana Trench.  My elbow is forever tainted.

 

12/xx/07

I was getting some beers and hit my head on the top of the inside of the fridge on my way out.  I yelled an expletive and from down the hall my roommate yelled for me to shut up.  I didn't want to, so I ran to his room with a spatula and hit him until the spatula broke, then jabbed at him with the jagged, broken remainder of spatula.

 

12/xx/07

A lady came into the sandwich shop I work at and said she recognized me from the grocery store that I also work at.  She asked why I worked so much and I said it was because I wanted money.  She said she might be able to help me out.  She was middle aged and I figured she wanted to pay me for sex.  She was okay looking for being, like, fifty or something.  I was trying to think how to ask my girlfriend if it would be okay for me to have sex with someone else if I didn't enjoy it and it provided us with additional income.  That's where my mind was when the lady finally handed me a brochure for some pyramid scheme she's in.  I think I'll pass on that and doing other shit, though.

 

12/xx/07

I had to go to work and I didn't want to.  I wanted to stay home and snuggle my cat.  I was thinking that work might be better if I took my cat with me, killed my coworkers, and locked the building from the inside so I could just punch in and snuggle my cat on the clock all night.  I didn't because I think that plan may have had negative repercussions in the long run.

really old months:

December, 2008
November, 2008
October, 2008
September, 2008
August, 2008
July, 2008
June, 2008
May, 2008
April, 2008
February, 2008
January, 2008
December, 2007
November, 2007
October, 2007
September, 2007
August, 2007
July, 2007
June, 2007
May, 2007
April, 2007
March, 2007
February, 2007
January, 2007
December, 2006
November, 2006
October, 2006
August, 2006
July, 2006
May, 2006
April, 2006
March, 2006
February,2006
January, 2006
December, 2005
October, 2005
September, 2005
August, 2005
July, 2005
June, 2005
May, 2005
April, 2005
March, 2005
February, 2005
January, 2005
December, 2004
November, 2004
October, 2004
September, 2004
August, 2004
July, 2004
June, 2004
May, 2004
March, 2004
February, 2004
January, 2004
December, 2003
November, 2003
October, 2003
September, 2003
August, 2003
July, 2003
June, 2003
May, 2003
April, 2003
March, 2003
February, 2003
January, 2003
December, 2002
November, 2002