Driving somewhere with my friend Amanda in shotgun. As we drove through an apartment complex, I caught a glimpse of a very fat man working on his car. He was holding the hood up with one arm, thus stretching his shirt to a point where his mighty belly hung out, bare for all the world to admire. I laughed but evidently Amanda missed it, so I put the car in reverse, allowing her to gaze upon him so that she would be as blessed as I. And then I almost hit the car behind us because I wasn't paying attention. But I didn't hit it. That's the best news I have today.
I got my first fax today. I was surprised. I answer the phone at work as "Jeff," but I changed my name to "Abigail" in the company enlistment thing. So yeah, most employees know me as either Abigail or Abby, my cubicle wall says Abigail, as does all my paper work and my photo ID security badge. So when customers fax something to Jeff, most often it seems that Abigail doesn't have to deal with it. However, today Abigail did. While talking with a supervisor, a guy walked up to my desk that had walked by a few times earlier. He was looking at me weird, so I stared at him. He said something like, "Hey,we were just over there talking about how you look like Wolverine. That's why we keep walking back and forth looking at you. It's cool though. It's cool." I said thanks and he smiled and walked away. He had a pretty strong comic book vibe coming off of him, so I don't think he meant it as an insult. My sideburns are just way to big and I always look pissed off because I'm at work, that's all.
Ok, everytime someone walks by my desk their movement stirs the stench engulfing my work area and I'm blasted by decay. On my way out I put the pumpkin in a plastic bag and now it's back home.
Boy howdy. The pumpkin on my desk was getting pretty gamey by the time I returned from my two days off. It had turned brown and was kind of wrinkly, the mold enveloping much more than before. As I am still quite incompetent at my job, I figured breaking company rules by bringing in an organism with the potential to attract insects on top of a complete disability to perform the tasks I am paid to do might be a little much. We're not even allowed to have plants, I think because they attract bugs. I can't remember why but it is frowned upon, as would be such a bulk of mold I would imagine. Which is funny because my desk is between two supervisors and they apparently haven't noticed. So yeah, as I lifted the pumpkin by the paper I had placed it on last week and lowered into my trashcan when I thought no one was looking, I heard laughter and looked behind me. A girl was staring at me and mumbled, "Oh my god..." So I simply smiled and then returned to pretending to do real work. However, by the time the end of the day rolled around, my actions seemed harsh so I put the pumpkin in my file cabinet and locked it. Of course I had to lift it out of the trash with my fingers, and penetration occured, but, you know, whatever.
I remember being young and thinking that it would be really cool to talk with animals, like in the movies I was led to believe were wholesome. Last night though, I had a dream where I had this black and white dog, and it could either straight up talk or just communicate telepathically. I can't remember which. But yeah, I had just adopted it, and I was pretty surprised it could talk with me, and it was really cool for a minute but then we kept getting dog years and human years mixed up. The dog was complaining about how her rib hurt for two years, and I was wondering if that was fourteen dog years, and she didn't understand. The dog didn't have anything interesting to say and it wasn't very smart. It was a really long dream, too.
Fucking weekend, finally. Went to Shari's with JW and Kyle. JW overdosed on pie and puked on 13th street. Photo coming soon.
Overheard in the breakroom after a bill was changed by a vending machine. Coworker at coffee machine to coworker at vending machine: "Sounds like you won the jackpot!" They laugh. Coworker at vending machine recipricates: "Yeah, all sevens!" They laugh more. Fuck. Those weren't jokes. No one got hurt, and nothing smelled bad. So why were they laughing? I don't understand my peers at work.
So today was my first day out of training at work. It's amazing how much you can't learn in a week. Turns out I work for ECE, which is a company that whores out employees to various larger companies, and my bitch smackin' papa pimp is Symantec Software. They make Norton Antivirus and programs of similar stature. I work in subscriptions, so basically if you're a total idiot OR from Texas, you call me and ask really slowly "Where do ah put in mah prescription...no, ah mean SUBscription number?" and then I decode the lack of education distorting your hashbrown flavored words before sending you to the online subscription form. Of course there's other issues, but teaching Texans how to use the "innernet" seems to be what pays my bills. I get bored with it, so I've decided to decorate my desk, as management encourages. Apparently this will "boost moral" or some such thing. My neighbors gave us a pumpkin in October, and it really held out pretty well, but it's starting to get a little fuzzy on one side so there was talk about disposing of it. "Why throw away perfectly fine rancid produce when you can simply take it to your workplace?" I reasoned, and today I set in on my desk after drawing a smiley face on the less moldy hemisphere with a permanent marker. As usual, I take less pride in my work by the day, so I continue to act very grateful and emotionally in debt to management, thus making them practice tolerance when my "accidental" series of fuck ups occurs. Like most employers, I hope dearly that they don't stumble upon the site. Whatever.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ISAIAH!!!
Today was my first day of work. Once again, I'm not sure what company I work for. Seems like a computery job though. On my way to the building some hobos asked me for change, which I likely would have kicked down, but I had none. Then they asked if my mom had change, or a nice car, or some stuff they could pawn. I laughed it off and explained that she lived in a different state as I pulled out my security card to get into my work place, then they asked if they could sell the security card. Hobos are awesome...I guess.
The only thing that floated my boat today was a guy pacing back and forth across the street from our house for a really long time screaming to himself. He was at it for probably close to 20 minutes, then walked out of sight. When we were walking to my car later we discovered him just blocks away screaming to himself. And waving around a bag and coffee cup he'd been holding all the while. The only bit I caught was, "Cup of coffee, internationally, for sixty nine ninety five!" Over and over a couple times. Rockin'.