Today at work I was restoring an antique tea table thing. I had a coffee mug full of mixed wood restoring agents, and upon the entry of some wretched children wanting to sell games I abandoned this project to get on the other side of the counter and play hard ass. There were four or five of the little fucks, they looked about ten, and one of them knocked over my coffee mug with his foot, releasing the last of the various substances on to the floor. Not too cool. I didn't really care though, but he seemed a little freaked out. I told him it was no big deal and I'd clean it up in a few minutes. He asked what it was and since I was bored and I gain pleasure from the discomfort of others, I said. "I don't know, it's some sorta acid....don't touch it." His eyes went pretty wide and he said all scared like, "I already stepped in it!" To which I responded something like, "That sucks." He asked what he should do and I said, "I don't know, I've never stepped in acid before. I guess just practice walking with one foot." At this point it seemed he was about to cry to I had to spoil my own fun by telling him it really was just linseed oil and some other shit. It hardly calmed him down, he was still hyper ventilating a little but at least he wasn't asking me more stupid questions. Then I had to clean up the mess. Fucko.
I'm at work right now at Main St. Music. I really do like working here because I get paid to eat chinese food and update the site. Last night I was at a party in Sagle (south town) at JW's Mommy's house. I was sitting in the hot tub enjoying the serenity of the environment when my friend Will ran really really fast towards the house to give JW his cell phone. He apparently had NO idea the glass door on the deck was closed, cause he hit it full speed and recoiled in pain as he screamed, "oh FUCK!" I picked up the cell phone and the girl on the other end asked, "Is he okay?" He was in fact all right, but he hit his head pretty damn hard. He seemed thoroughly dazed. Even though he got hurt bad, it really was quite funny.
My boss at the restaurant is also a psychiatrist. She just owns the restaurant as some sort of pet project thing I guess. I don't know. But yeah, tonight she came in the kitchen and said, "Hey, Jeff?" and so, since my name is Jeff, and she was looking at me, I said, "Yeah?" and then she asked, "What's your last name?" so I responded, "Merrell...why?" and then she says "I met someone who knows you today!" I figured it was a parent or a parents friend or something. I said, "Oh yeah, who's that?" and she was like, "I can't tell you!" and I forced a laugh because I thought it was a joke then I said, "Seriously, who?" and she said, "No, I can't. It's a client." And you know shrinks can't comprimise their patient confidentiality thing. So apparently she was talking about me with a patient. She doesn't know me well enough to bring me up, so it must have been the headcase. And no one goes to a shrink to talk about all the people that make them happy or that they don't mind, I know 'cause I've gone to about a half dozen. So now I'm afraid I'm ruining someone's life without knowing it. Or worse yet, it could be one of my friends in there talking about all the shit we used to do...between all the lawn poisonings and mass road cone thefts, there's all sorts of things I wouldn't want my boss to know about...hopefully she doesn't find this site.
On my way home from work tonight I pulled out of my parking spot in reverse. Once I had reoriented myself in a face forward fashion I noticed my headlights were not on. So I turned them on. Easy enough. A cop that was three and a half blocks away at the time waited for me to pass him then pulled me over. Apparently for driving about twenty feet in reverse without headlights in a completely desolate street, the cops in this town can give you a sobriety test. They were being real dicks and insisting that I smoked pot more than that psychic lady from earlier this year did. I didn't get a ticket though, largely on account of I did nothing illegal, but still it wasn't too bad.
I was on my way hom from the restaurant...hey have I written about that yet? I guess not. I started working at a restaurant in addition to the record store because I want more cash dollars. It's not too bad, I get free food and people actually seem to appreciate what I do, which isn't much. Wash a few dishes...Cut some bread...move things around...I'm just stoked I don't work with the public like I do at the record store. Everybody that comes in there is fucking crazy and sometimes it really irritates me. I do a real good job at the restaurant though, I think. I work quick. Everyone looks at me with a completely blank and expressionless look on their face as if to say, "What's that tornado of squeeky clean dishes and well cut bread?" But it's no tornado, it's just me, baby. Just me. Anyway. On my way home, I walked by my other work. I thought it strange because I helped JW close and we locked all the doors and everything, but the lights were on and the doors unlocked. I went in and yelled, "Hello?" a couple times with no response, then called JW's cell, who said he went straight home. Our boss was in Oregon, so I know he didn't open it up. We're the only employees, so no one else could really unlock the doors. Oddly enough, nothing was missing. So apparently someone broke in without destroying the windows or locks or anything, turned on all the lights, and left. Weird.
You'll be noticing a lot more x's in the date during the summer because I hate summer and subsequently the days are clouded with a fog of animosity and alcohol. Worse yet the sun penetrates the windows at wretched hours and the birds chirp. I lay in bed for hours even though I can't sleep past 5:30. And since I'm usually up till at least 2 a.m., this renders me quite the unpleasant character. But yeah, the subject of this entry takes place days ago whilst walking down the street. I saw a man leaving the health food store next to my work waving through the window, presumably at the owner's attractive daughter, because he had a creepy look on his face, largely on account of his age. He did have rugged good looks however, and I thought he looked like Charlton Heston. I went by my work for a moment then left. Further down the sidewalk I saw him mounting a motorcycle in the street just a few feet away. He was all leathered out, climbin' on a Harley. And...I'm pretty fucking sure he was Charlton Heston. Of course, in the tradition of me being a loser, I did nothing, but looking back I really wish I'd picked a fight with him. Cause even though he's pretty decrepid, I honestly think he'd win, and having my ass kicked my Charlton Heston would be great. I was thinking I should just say, "Hey Charlton!" to see if it was him, and if he looked up, I'd yell, "BLEH!" and throw my body at him in a quasi-violent manner. Surely within sixty seconds I would be in a bloody heap on the ground laughing as I spit out my teeth. But I didn't attack him. Fuck.
Went to Spokane with J.W. We had to go to Car Toys to get a CD player for his girlfriend, and while we were standing at the counter the clerk had to go to the backroom to get it. Tragically, he left his apple juice unattended on the counter. I offered Jesse...er...J.W. a dollar to drink some out of the bottle. He picked it up and unscrewed, then proceeded to gulp. I didn't think he' actually do it, and as long as a dollar was at stake I kind of wanted him to get in trouble so I said, "Drink half of it!" and once he passed the halfway point I whispered, "Finish it off!" He was almost done when the backroom door began to open. I began laughing and abruptly walked away. Apparently he reattached the lid and set it back real nice and smooth like, cause the guy didn't say anything. I walked back over and noticed J.W. had left about a quarter inch of backwash in there was all. The clerk picked it up and looked at it then threw it somewhat violently into a trash can he pulled out from the counter. He did not mention it though, and we left pumped. Jesse turned down my dollar, awesomely enough. What if the clerk had mouth herpies or something though?
Went out to my marms house while she was on vacation and put one of the deer heads on the floor of her cabin. I positioned it just right so that as soon as you come around from the entry way it's right under you coming out from the kitchen, and the neck extended behind the counter so you can't tell it's cut off. Unfortunately my marm's friend stopped by to feed the cats and was scared shitless, and did think for a moment that there was a whole deer dead in the kitchen, but she set it upright next to the piano and my mom got real scared again when she rolled in at 1 a.m. after a twenty hour flight. Awesome.
Best fourth ever. Got real drunk real early and began devising a plan. Many people I knew were going out on the lake on boats. The wretched village I live in puts on quite a display of fireworks to celebrate the anniversary of another year that our country has managed to get away with draining the rest of the world of its very life force and purity. Yeah though, the fireworks go off over the lake and people like to watch them from boats. Who wouldn't? So Marcus and I got to work on finding a boat. We researched lumber and rope supplies, both of which came up fairly dry. Ran into Breda at the beach though, and she said we could borrow her kids inflatable raft. So it was done. We filled it up and hit the lake right around nightfall. Paddling proved slow and I kept almost falling out, so eventually I decided to stop prolonging the obvious and jumped in after tying the raft to my belt loop so I could tow it. Only I forgot to attach the other end to the raft, I figured it was already there. Realized I didn't care and started swimming with a little rope tail following me from my ass regions. This went slow too considering I was fully clothed with a coat and shoes and long pants and all, but faster then with the boat, which Marcus shortly parked and swam as well. The water was kind of cold and I was along a rocky plateau, so I got a little banged up, but I managed to get like right under the fireworks. They make it a restricted area to boats and foot traffic, but they are not wise enough to plan in the case of stealthy swimmers. Anyhoo, caught the fireworks and climbed up to ground level. We picked up the raft and jogged till we came off the plateau onto a dock. People were walking every where, real slow like, so to avoid them we got back in the raft in the marina. At this point it had lost about half of its air so I attached my tail to the boat and did the swimming thing again while Marcus paddled. This was awesome because people in motorboats and the like would drive slowly by and yell things like, "You guys need a motor, or a light!" As if we didn't know. Fucking idiot boat owners think they have all the answers. But breathing in the boat exhaust and swimming in the creepy, oily water, eventually shore was reached and after jogging through town once again with the raft over our wet and skanky bodies, a long night of blurriness ensued and though I hear I was quite out of line, all went well. To my knowledge.