Last night I had a really stupid dream. I somehow got a job, which is weird since I don't want a job at this point in my life, and I knew that in the dream. Anyhow, the job was answering the phone for that Enerex pill company you see advertised on late night television. It's supposed to be some sort of herbal sexual enhancer. The phone rang off the hook though, and all the people that called were people that had purchased it and were disappointed that they still couldn't get a hard on and wanted their money back. Of course, the company didn't do refunds, so that just fueled the fire for the sexually frustrated consumers. They were all really pissed off but it didn't bother me as much as it normally would because I knew that I was sexually functional and they were not, so their yelling really didn't scathe me too deeply. Anyway, that's my dream.
I had to drive to Portland again today. This time, Lorq wanted a ride to the train station. Fucking Portland. There's too many streets and none of them seem to really lead anywhere except coffee shops. As usual, I was quite tired on the road. Unless I'm driving someplace that qualifies as a goal, not a circle, then I tend to get drowsy and uninterested at the strip of pavement flying by beneath my car. Fortunately, I drank a pot of tea before I left, so by the time I was on my way home I had to piss incredibly bad but denied myself the luxory, causing pain which kept me awake and got me home safe.
So I'm in firefighter training now. They placed an ad in the paper, and I imagine relentless flames being easier to deal with than the public, so I went for it instead of a retail position. I passed the interview a while ago, but today was the pack test. It was in Springfield. Springfield is a fucked up town. Everyone there is unnatractive and aside from the occassional job opportunity, the only thing the town offers the rest of the world is a budget theater, which I happen to frequent. But seriously, everyone that lives in Springfield either has missing teeth, creepy eyes, or they simply talk like that short lady in "Poltergeist." Plus all of the street lights are orange rectangles, not white circles. It's actually really scary. But yeah, had to walk three miles of Springfield today with a 45 pound pack. I'm sure it would have gone by faster someplace with more agreeable scenery, but it went by nonetheless. Hopefully soon they ship me off somewhere to extinguish something, cuase I'm really bored and poor.
I took a friend to the airport today. I had to take a grumpy, so I went to the bathroom and selected a stall to grace with my presence. I lucked out. My stall had a special edition playboy in it, so I began giving that some attention until, as I feared, I encountered pages that were stuck together. Someone must have really needed to blow a load, because there was the wrapper for the magazine in the bottom of the stall, suggesting they purchased it at the little airport shop thing, used it once and left it. Weird, man.
Well peoples, have we got a special treat for you! Kelly Fuckin' Akers, some cynical bastard I went to high school with, has begun writing for the site. We think he'll fit in well with the cynical bastards here, but if you don't like him , give us some feedback and we'll bury him deeper in shit than my motivational skills and JW's guilt for leading an unwholesome life.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!
Fucking shit. Decided to drive to Idaho, our destination being roughly 8 hours away. JW, Byro (my brother) and myself didn't leave town until about 10 p.m., and tried making the drive without directions. It seemed easy enough, but when the godless armpit of the country known as "Eastern Washington" presents itself, things often go horribly wrong. I can't understand why someone would move there. It's like a desert with no cacti (plural for cactus). It's just shitty land where they erect countless chain franchises like Staples, Circuit City, and Hastings because the soil is incapable of bearing anything else. Anyway, while in this perfect hell, we drove way too far in the wrong direction and ended up taking a 150 mile detour. At this point we had already picked up a friends Jeep that had broken down in Oregon and was supposedly fixed, but it wouldn't start back up for a long time after each time we turned it off. I also was pulled over because a tail light was out...It was a long fucking ride, but at 11 the next morning, we finally arrived in our quaint town to go to a wedding. The wedding was nice. Celebrations of unity tend to be over my head in general, but there was free booze and I enjoyed most of the people there, even though most of them spoke in lengths about how I cut my hair. Someday I'm going to kill someone for that. No shit. It used to be long, now it's short. Big fucking deal. I appreciate you mourning over the death of an icon that I supplied the world with, but I still have it in a ziplock bag in my closet. You can see it if you want. Just shut up. Fuck.
Oh, and later that night, J and I invented a mixed drink consisting of only Pepto Bismol and champagne. It's not as bad as it sounds. Not quite.
Went around hanging the flyers we have available on the site this month. It went pretty well; we mostly covered the campus area. While trying to staple one to the board behind the front window of a ticket booth, we apparently pressed too hard and it caved in, making quite a ruckus and catching the attention of a pedestrian behind us.
Tom yelled, "Fuck this!" and we left to infiltrate some buildings. We sneaked into a couple of dorms and hung the flyers to most surfaces that would accommodate a staple. We entered a building called the EMU, which houses restaurants and I'm not sure what all else, because I am not a college kid. After posting a few flyers we wondered onto the second floor. All floors other than ground level were closed at this hour in the a.m., so we had to be weary of janitors, as one had already told us to leave. Eventually finding a way out that wasn't locked become a chore unto itself, but it was done. More flyers were placed in car windshield wipers, or even in front of the free papers in those metal boxes you see on the street. So follow our example, please, and hopefully we can bother a lot of people.
Band practice at Tom's house. We were about finished when Kyle came in the room and signaled for us to stop. He said the neighbor was complaining, so we decided to call it a night, not knowing the neighbor was waiting at the door. Kyle and told him to wait there instead of coming in, but he came in and started screaming a lot. Tom said we'd stopped and to please leave, but the guy kept yelling shit like,
"Do I have to come over here with a baseball bat? Is that what it will take? My lawyer is outside if you want to talk with him!"
We declined, but later realized we should have taken him up on that since we were playing before 10 and therefor not violating sound ordinances, wheras he was trespassing and yelling physical threats at people half his age. He's a college professor, and since he bitched out Kyle, who is a college student, we really ought to pursue some sort of action to really fuck him over for threatening college students in their homes during finals week. If he'd maintained his composure of course it would be fine, but....I'm ranting. Whatever.
Saw Primus. It kicked ass.