Last night I was walking through an alley on my way to get some dinner when I was distracted by lots of loud profanity behind me. I turned around to see some skinny, white, tweeker looking guy on roller blades being chased by a huge black guy who kept calling him a mother-fucker. I leaned against the brick wall of the alley to watch, but the guy on roller blades was fast enough as to escape with only being shoved from behind. The big guy then turned to me and said something like, "Mother fucker was going through my shit!" It was kind of akward, so I just mumbled something along the lines of, "Lame. Yeah, that's not cool....At all. Um..." Then I realized I recognized the big guy because he buys incense at my work. I told him if the tweeker dude ever came in I would ban him. The big guy was stoked and shook my hand before yelling, "PEACE!" like he meant it. Shortly thereafter, I finished my agenda of getting fed and somehow wound up at a party playing beer pong with a bunch of people that didn't speak english. It was alright.

Anybody who liked "Batman Begins" should be shot in the spine. My brother thought it was good, so I knew it would be bad because the only movies he likes are shit storms like this, Spider Man 1-2, The Matrix 1-3, and so on. All of these movies run approximately 2 hours and 20 minutes, and switch back and forth from circular dialogues where the lead character repeatedly learns he "can only be what he is" and then really shitty fight scenes, usually mid-air, where the opponents collide repeatedly in a bleak, computer generated environment. It seems like any market for shit like this would have been tapped dry with The Matrix, but no, you people keep lining up. If you have to see movies like this, at least sneak in so that directors that used to do good work (Nolan, Raimi) can't have your money. I'm not accusing them of selling out, I'm accusing them of sucking. Fuck them.

Q & A for "Batman Begins" fans-

Q: Why would a Japanese martial arts expert run a school in China?

A: He wouldn't.

Q: What's cool about really blurry, shifty fight scenes that are so illegible that all of the combat is merely implied?

A: Nothing.

Q: Wasn't that whole arrow head thing between him and the lady really cool and symbolic?

A: No.

Q: Wasn't it awesome how many tits weren't in the movie?

A: No.

Q: Don't you think it was clever how the only lines in the movie were either, "Finders Keepers," "Why do we fall down? So we can pick ourselves back up," "It's what you do that defines you," or "Didn't you get the memo?" I really liked how they looped each one of those clich'es in so many times because after the first half hour, the whole movie seemed familiar and comfortable.

A: Fuck you.

The new Star Wars movies all sucked too. Protect your dignity and burn a theatre to the ground.

Wound up at a wedding in Idaho. Unlike the last wedding I went to, this one furnished a brand of wine actually worth stealing, so I wasted little time. Eventually I had the impression that people were suspicious of my actions, so I managed to talk a 9 or 10 year old boy to fetch bottles and run them back to me. On one of his missions he returned to me as I spoke with a friend who knew him and bent down to give him a sudden hug or something, which surprised the child and caused him to throw his arms up in defense. An undescribable sound immediately followed as my friend recoiled in pain. He asked JW if there was "A red mark or anything" visible on his forehead, apparently too drunk to feel the blood flowing freely from his open wound, all the way down past his nose. This girl I knew from back in the day yelled at me asking if I trained a kid to steal alcohol from me. I looked first at the bottle, then at the child, then back at her and firmly stated, "No." She followed with, "Ok, 'cause that would be wrong." While I agree, that doesn't mean it wouldn't also be awesome, which it inarguably was.



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